My Story through Depression:
Our board exams were approaching and I was trying hard with all the subjects. I was an average student but I knew that I could prove and show better side of me. Even though physics and chemistry were sometimes challenging but I never quit on them. Our school was actually a battle ground where every other student was better than other. The competition was very tough and expectations were very high. Adding to the distress, our principle divided the whole class into different categories according to one’s ability to score.
Our education system is no doubt an arena for bull fighting, where everyone is forced to feel extremely serious about the bookish things. From morning till night students are stuck to the black and white letters on the never ending heap of papers. Nobody bother about the real happiness and enjoying the present moment; everyone is though, always forcing themselves or other fellows to achieve a secure future (which is no doubt an illusion as nothing is stable in this universe). And for achieving those futures, the present of students are forced into struggles, anxiety and depression.
No student can ever forget those feelings of lacking behind from their fellow student. Even scoring average or below average in a test would give our teachers a chance to judge us and think as if we were destined to land no-where in our lives. No body gave any importance to mediocars or below average scorers. School’s interest were only to get merit toppers whose photographs could be decorated in their pamphlets to attract more students to grow their business. See what an education society we have created.
And I was totally grasped into that education society. Since morning to night, I just kept studying. My body, mind and soul were all engulfed into books. As the days passed by and final exams landed upon, my brain became over active. I reduced my sleeping time to reduce any wastage. I didn’t know what I was doing to my body, all I cared was that I had to learn and store more material in my mind. I hardly slept during those days. I would sleep at 11 or 12 in the night and would woke up randomly at around 3 or 4 in the early morning. And that was not good for sure, unknowingly I was harming my body and brain.
On my first exam, as the invigilator handed question paper, I quickly went through the questions, I was content and knew answers of them all.
I picked a question that I could attempt the best and started writing answer to it. As I wrote the first line, my brain literally washed out. That was the best topic I knew but not even a single word about it came to my conscious brain. It appeared as if I had heard the topic for the first time. I looked around, everybody was lost into filling their sheets, some even had completed a page. I was becoming more anxious, and then I thought of leaving that question and attempting another one. Once again I couldn’t gather anything in my brain.
An extremely weird instance happened to me for the first time. I was stressed and anxious and wanted to cry aloud.
Time was slipping like sand, I had to write but words vanished away from my brain. Somehow I managed to attempt the questions. Luckily one of my good friend was sitting next to me, she saw my red and impatient face, and offered to help me. That day and that exam proved out to be the black day of my life. My whole year’s hard work and knowledge were all gone and I had no idea why that happened to me.
For the next exams everything repeated again. I was depressed of my mind’s backstabbing. My brain started becoming numb and empty. I couldn’t even remember names of classmates, was not able to do small calculations and finally crashed my common sense. My life became a total hodge-podge. For many days I kept crying, isolated myself from the society. I was in a state that I could have done anything wrong without consciously thinking about it.
I didn’t even get time to recover myself, as we had the competitive exams just after about a month or two. Most of my classmates and friends were going out for crash course, I too joined one course and started preparing for entrance. The problem worsened and I was most of the times struggling to wake up my mind. After the exams I came back to my home. But one more problem entered my life – the expectations of my family.
I was in extreme depression, without even knowing about my problem. There came many moments when I wanted to end everything up, but somehow I didn’t. Thankfully I came out of all these situations after a year or so, when I joined my college. But many people are not lucky enough.
What Data says about Depression :
According to a data of the year 2017 from World Health Organisation, more than 560 lakh people in India are under depression. Asian Journal of Psychiatry published a paper in 2016, in which more than 700 students were randomly surveyed and it surprisingly revealed that more than half of them were under depression.
Most of these cases are not handled or counselled before they become suicidal. According to NCRB (National Crime Record Bureau) for the year 2015, every hour one student commits suicide in India. A data between 2011 and 2016 reveals that 49,249 students have already ended up their lives. Hindustan Times published a news report on 5th January, 2018, stating that the major reasons for the depression and resulting suicidal cases are parental and societal expectations, new competitive environment and ragging.
This is bizarre and most of the times, an ignored topic. The main problem is that we don’t talk about it, we never care about stress and anxiety. We never guide or share thoughts of a depressed person. I know everybody is busy in their lives but can’t we contribute to save someone’s life. Yes we can, it is our moral duty, we don’t have to be robots, we just need to become humans who have emotions and care for the fellow beings.
What-to-do or How to cope up with Depression :
All advices are based on my personal experiences.
- The first and foremost thing that you need to know and believe is that your life and body are more valuable than getting into a prestigious college or scoring high in exams. These all are human induced things which have no meaning or gurantee in achieving happiness and satisfaction in life.
- Meditate – Close your eyes and let your thoughts about your life, situation or future go off from your mind. For few minutes let everything disappear, and concentrate on the sounds coming to you, of fan or vehicle or chirping birds or chatting people and finally of your own breath. This exercise will definitely help you to reduce stress and calm down your body.
- Give your brain quality rest. Sleep for atleast 6 hours, unbroken or in one go. Never split your sleep timings into many small instalments, this will only end up in making your brain becoming more inefficient.
- Try to sleep early and wake up early in the morning. It is an efficient way to harmonize your body to natural diurnal variations; and with time will prove out to be more productive way of utilizing your mind.
- Eat healthy and never skip meals. Avoid fat, oily, sweet and salty food and eat more proteins, carbohydrates and vitamin rich food like fruits, vegetables, pulses and grains.
- Try to make good friends. The one who are motivating, positive and ready to help you in every situation. Try to share your feelings with them. However, don’t harness expectations from them as it can some day harm you only.
- Love yourself, feel good about yourself. Don’t worry if you couldn’t learn quickly or solve a problem, that’s all right its completely normal. You can definitely achieve your goals someday, not by forcing yourself but by accepting who you are.
- Lastly, try to write your feelings down on a paper to yourself, as you are definitely the best mentor and guide of yourself. Believe in yourself.
What not-to-do during Depression :
- Never force yourself into anything. If you are not able to handle any problem or situation, leave it there, sit down somewhere and calm yourself, then rethink about other ways to handle the situation.
- Never ever think negative about yourself and never harness any thoughts about ending your valuable life. We have got life for once, we don’t even know when we will be gone, so why to waste it in harnessing negative thoughts. Become positive and spread positivity to the world too.
Have faith and trust yourself.